I was supposed to be interviewed for a show on Sirius Satellite Radio last Wednesday for a story it is doing on mothers over 35. There was a mix-up in the scheduling and I never got the call. Boo! I did all this research and wore my purple, dangling interview earrings. I know, I know, it’s radio. You won’t be able to see my amazing, chandelier earrings, but they make me feel good. And if I feel good then I thought I would sound good.
Get it?
Radio — needs to sound good.
And, all of this is not to mention how I mentally reviewed the last 16 or so years of my life and how my choices have affected my life. Now I have no where to put this information that’s still tossing around in my head keeping me up at night. Not that I need anything else to keep me up at night — two kids with massive ear infections crying (make that SCREAMING) out in pain at 3:00 a.m. every night just isn’t enough for me. I need to have *thoughts* keeping me awake at night too.
In preparation for the interview, I read the “Washington Post” story, “More children are being born to women over 35 than to teens, Pew study finds.” Good, I say. Good, good. I also read the Pew study which goes into great detail about the survey it conducted.
What I take from it is that women are choosing when they have kids. I for one, had no interest in having a baby when I was in my 20s. (Here come the thoughts streaming around in my head.) The mere thought of it terrified me. To death. Ask my friends, they’ll tell you. I think some of them thought I’d never have kids. I was married for 12 years before we had a child. I think it actually shocked some of my friends.
It’s not that I didn’t want kids. Not at all. Quite the opposite. I always new that I wanted to have a family. To be a mother was a welcomed part of my plan. I just wanted to do it on my time.
I’m glad we waited.
My 20s were filled with career development, freedom, an open schedule, dates, and travel, travel, travel. Wish I could have done more traveling. I didn’t want to wait until my kids were in college to do all that I was able to experience in my 20s. Now that that is behind me I have no thirsting desires (well, maybe to be able to travel again). I know that I did it, I lived it and now is my time to experience things with my babies. To watch them grow, to play with them, to stay home on Saturday night because we’re so tired that even if we didn’t have kids we’d still be going to bed early just to sleep.
I’m also glad we didn’t wait any longer.
There is a risk in waiting to have children. There is a true biological clock that prevents many of us from bearing children because we waited too long. It’s heartbreaking to see it happen: loving, deserving women, not able to conceive naturally — or at all.
And, there’s the extra medical “attention” you get as an “older mother” from the “specialist.” There’s the genetic counseling, and tons of tests. It’s nerve racking to be an older mother and have the added worry that something might go wrong with your pregnancy, or be a health issue to your child — all because of your age.
I had my first baby at age 34 and my second, last year, at age 37. They seem like the perfect ages to me, but if I had to do it again I might have started two years earlier. It would have given me more opportunity to get both children in before I hit 35 (thus, avoiding all those extra tests and worry.) And, I would have more room to have more children, should I choose, before I hit 40.
Then, there’s the news that Kelly Preston, wife of John Travolta, is 3-months pregnant at age 47. This gives women hope, but I hope it doesn’t make too many women who are contemplating a family wait longer. Just because Preston was able to conceive into her late 40s doesn’t mean you will be able to also. Remember, it’s a risk to wait.
What do you think about the trend moving to women over 35?
Related:
- Read the full “Washington Post” article
- The Pew Study summary from the Pew Research Center
- The Pew Study, full report (PDF)
- Kelly Preston Pregnant at Age 47 announcement
- CNN’s “Pregnant at 47: Can I do that?” article
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ABOUT ALICIA: Alicia is the founder of Balancing Motherhood.com. Last year, she managed to stay sane while completing an MBA, working full-time, blogging, and still baking amazing birthday cakes — all while raising a young family at home.
Stacey says
I agree that waiting until you’re in your 30’s to have kids is a good thing. I was in my 20’s, and as much as I thought I had it all figured out…really, not so much! Waiting gives you time to really figure out who you are, before you’re trying to raise another being! But that’s all hindsight…of course, I wouldn’t trade anything now that my children are here!
Jean Lewis says
I think waiting until your 30’s is great. Most women are settled into their careers and know who they wish to spend the rest of their lives with. I believe you have more patience with young children and bring more to the table. In short, your children will reap the rewards.
Michelle says
I was always told to wait until I was married and financially stable to have a child; old fashioned I live at the outskirts of the SF Bay Area and one thing that struck me about the mother’s group that I am a part of is how, at 31, I was one of the older first time mothers. I didn’t really realize that there were so many “younger” mothers and that 30+ was considered “older” by a lot of people.
I gave birth to my daughter about a half year before I turned 30, which was more or less the right timing for me. Looking back, I could have waited another two or three years and been fine with my decision. I knew that I didn’t want to be any older than 35 to try for a baby, mostly because of the increased tests and worry.